I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
