I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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