i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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