yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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