She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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