you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
