just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
