Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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