fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
