I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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