Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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