You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A+ Viking dick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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