He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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