I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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