So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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