how can u be prego again
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
