Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
