Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
