dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize