oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING