Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??