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• (406): View more from Montana

  we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

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• (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (61): View more from Australia

  When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise

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• (415): View more from California

  "Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...

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• (315): View more from New York

  Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.

  (1-315): View more from New York

  That would explain the cannon.

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