I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
not ubering you a puppy
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