I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
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Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
not ubering you a puppy