Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.