Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.