I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize