The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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