U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Congratulations! We have a period
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