U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
