this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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