I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
