just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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