i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
