we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
