my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
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well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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