even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think i got beer on your cat.
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