Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf