mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.