Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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