i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
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You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.