Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"