This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
