Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
