Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
