I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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