I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
