I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
