Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
