Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize