id be glad to
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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