Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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