please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
