Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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