Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
