Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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