my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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