so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
