maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
