dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
