I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
