apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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