would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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