I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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