mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
