So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
false alarm, still single
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
