Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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